Today I am juggling both anger and sadness and trying to find some gratitude to balance the mix. I’m sure most people out there are as exhausted by our current pandemics as I am. Pandemics, you say? Plural? Yes, plural. We are in the midst of a viral pandemic and a racial pandemic. Neither has an easy cure and both have the hope of millions for those cures. One we have lived with for many years, decades, without acknowledging that it was a crisis in waiting. The other came upon us slowly but because those in charge in both China (hiding it) and America (ignoring the signs and in denial) did nothing about it for so long, it became so much worse than it had to be. So much more deadly than it should have been. And it’s still growing despite what some people are saying to the public. And now more and more young people under 30 are getting sick. Why? Because they think they’re immune.
And we all suffer for it. For their ineptness. For their arrogance. For their selfishness. For their hatred. We suffer both of these pandemics now at the same time. And I find that my attitude towards it all fluctuates between apathy, depression, hopelessness, despair, and anger. Anger at not doing more about the first problem and anger at those who did nothing for so long about the second. I can’t be angry at others for doing nothing about racism since I also did nothing. I didn’t ‘see’ it. Because I have friends of all colors and backgrounds, I was blind to the plight of the black male in this country. Now, after reading these stories, I am stunned that we have allowed this to happen. And continue to happen even now. Even now when the streets are overflowing with protestors, police and politicians still find ways to oppress and hate and justify their actions. And it slides my attitude over closer to the anger side of things. I’m all about protecting the underdog. Standing up for what’s right. Standing against injustice. I want change and I want it now. But that’s just me. I’m impatient about these kinds of things.
So I’m looking for some good out there. I read in an article from CNN that some scientists think the Polio vaccine might be promising against Covid-19 because they share the same viral background. This is a positive thing to dwell on. And I see people rallying together, praying together, holding on together, no matter their skin color. And I am encouraged. Encouraged that the future may well be a little bit brighter than I thought it might. There are several young people under 30 who I love and care deeply about. Many more who are the very young children of people I care about. And all those I have no connection to at all. I pray that the future is better for them to live in. I pray that they forgive us for the mess we have allowed to fester. I pray that we make enough changes in the world to start to reverse the damage we’ve caused. The damage we’ve allowed to happen.
I find myself having to adjust my attitude towards those in power, those who don’t do things that way I think they should be done. Those who oppose those things I hold dear. Rather than lower myself into feelings of anger and hate, I pray for these individuals to receive enlightenment while there is still time to make changes for the better. That’s hard. I ask that they be smarter and care more about us than themselves. More about the future of this world than about their own pocketbook. I pray that some of them look in the mirror and realize that they don’t like what they see. And change.
So I strive for gratitude instead of my usual attitude towards those currently in power. I strive for hope instead of anger. And I pray that God has mercy on us.
judy hammer 
Let’s hope the vaccine really works.
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