We are Dying

Death. 216,000 deaths so far from Covid-19. A virus other nations have not only survived but are now back to thriving. We here in America, due to a lack of competent leadership are still dying. Our country is dying a slow death from loss of life, loss of jobs, loss of business, loss of hope. I feel this loss deeply.

We had a plan for pandemics. Written by the previous administration. The current administration tossed it out and dismantled it all. And so now, we are dying.

I look at countries like Italy, once known as the worst of the pandemic. Now they are back to life as usual, back to business, albeit with masks and precautions, but back. We are not. I look at New Zealand and they are thriving. Why? Because of good leadership, good planning, good decisions. Many countries are coming back from the brink. Some are not just yet, like India, still struggling to get a handle on this pandemic. But here in America, it’s being treated by one group of people as a pandemic and the other group as nothing more than another type of flu. And so now, we are dying.

We have a so-called leader who tells us the virus is done. That we’ve defeated it. Whaaaat? As of today we have over 230,000 dead from this disease! Check out the chart, https://news.google.com/covid19/map?hl=en-US&gl=US&ceid=US%3Aen&mid=%2Fm%2F09c7w0

Oh, and by the way, he also says we’ll have a vaccine before the election. Well, two things about that. 1. The election is day after tomorrow and no vaccine. Big surprise. 2. If the virus is defeated, why do we need the vaccine? grrrrrrrr…

I pray that we have a vaccine sometime in the new year. I pray that it will be made available to everyone by next summer. And I pray that sanity rules the day and we have a new president come January 20, 2021. A president who cares about all the people in this country, every gender, every race, every religion, every political leaning. I feel like this is the only way to keep us from continuing to die. Because we are dying. Civility is dying. Kindness is dying. Decency is dying. I DO NOT GET IT!

But maybe if the top of the ladder in this country stops spouting hatred and calling names like a 10 year old, maybe we have a chance to find out back to humanity. Back to who we are supposed to be. Back to where our forefathers brought us to this country to be. We should not be emulating the evil that beats their wives or children, rapes and pillages, murders and steals and terrorizes. We should not aspire to be like those who would abuse an animal just because they can, who would kill an endangered species just for the trophy. Someone recently killed a baby elephant and took bragging photos of it. I find myself disgusted by human nature. So much of it is evil and deranged and self-serving.

I want a better world, a safer place for us to live, where the few take it all like feudal lords and leave the dregs for the rest of us, the silent majority. I wish I could organize the poor into one giant union to rise up against the rich. But I can’t even get them to the polls to vote. Or to think for themselves. To vote out those who would stomp on their heads in order to get ahead.

Arrgh! I’m so frustrated at this country. I can only fix my little circle the best I can. I can only do so much. I wish there were 100M who would do more, just a little more. Stand up to injustice. Vote. Help your neighbor. Rescue an abused or lost animal. Smile at others. Be kind. Wear a mask (it isn’t a political statement!). Love others. Don’t judge. Be generous with your time and your money. Let go of hate and don’t let it lead you around by your nose.

If we don’t, we are dying.

ER Visit – to go or not to go?

So I had to visit the emergency room in my nearby hospital today. I went with trepidation. I had excruciating pain in my rib cage and I was thinking I had cracked a rib or maybe popped a hernia. I couldn’t pinpoint anything to have caused these things but I could barely get out of bed. Rolling over to my left side and struggling to push up from there was my only option. Rolling onto my right side brought a round of whimpers and staccato breathing. Okay, just lie back down and breathe s l o w l y. Not helping. At all. I managed to get up again and took a Vicodin left over from last year.

I’m not prone to taking much pain medication as I have a high tolerance to pain. This fact made me start to think that maybe I had something really wrong with me if the pain was getting to me. I mean, after getting hit by a car, I had to have both knees replaced. At the two-week appointment to have the staples removed from the first knee, I was smiling and my doc said nobody smiled at this point. But I was good. I turned down his offer of 45 more Vicodin. More shock on his part but I told him I had plenty left. So, no, not an addictive personality so I have a stash of not-too-old Vicodin in my nightstand. I took one and hoped it would help me sleep. It didn’t really help with the pain but it did help me sleep.

Morning came and I opened my eyes thinking maybe I would be fine. Nothing hurt so… so far so good. Then I tried to get up and it hit me like a semi truck. PAIN! Lots of pain. Searing like a knife was just thrust into my side. OMG! I tried not to move as I tried to catch my breath. Well, this sucks. So, okay, not just a stitch in my side. I had to consider my options. Urgent Care? But would they turn around and need to send me on to the hospital for more tests? I DID NOT want to enter a hospital. I’ve been so good, so careful about Covid-19 and now I was contemplating walking into the lion’s den? Was I out of my mind?

I went downstairs and discussed with my housemates, a married couple. They suggested calling an ambulance since we had free service. I was planning to drive myself but I was getting clammy and hot and weepy all at once and didn’t think I would make a good driver at that moment. The husband couldn’t drive me because the wife just had some seizures and he had to stay with her while the docs got her meds right. So off I go in an ambulance. Riding to the ER hurt like HELL. I felt every bump in the road.

Once at the ER, I was really wishing I’d stayed home. I did not want to be there. But it was clean and fairly empty and I felt okay once inside. After they took my temperature I was put in a room, given a gown. They took blood, a lot of blood, did an EKG, chest CT with contrast. You gotta love the contrast, it feels like a hot toddy has been infused into your bloodstream. Then you feel like you peed in your pants. They warned me of this but it still feels weird. My second time getting one of these and still, it was weird.

Back to my room for a while. Two more hours reading my Kindle and now I’ve been here nearly five hours. Later, at around the 6 1/2 hour mark, the PA comes in and says my blood looked ‘awesome’. CT showed everything looked good there as well. No hernia, no broken bones, nada. After all of that, it turns out that I shredded the muscles that are between each of the ribs. All the ones on the right were torn and inflamed. I’d mentioned that I had an asthma attack two days before, a ton of coughing that was really bad enough to cause me to throw up. Yep, I did this to myself. I ripped up my muscles with. one. asthma. attack. And it was going to take 6-8 weeks to heal. Wonderful. Can’t wait for the bills to start coming in.

BUT. I got pain meds and muscle relaxers that I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t gone through all that. And if I hadn’t gone I’d have worried something worse was going on. So, all in all, I’m glad I went. A friend came and got me and brought me home, stopping for fast food on the way home because it was after 5pm and I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink that day besides a couple of hospital crackers. Now I plan to spend the next week or so doing absolutely nothing but lying in bed and taking it easy. Reading my Kindle, sleeping in, maybe watching some TV. No nothing else. Seems like that’s what I’ve been doing for months since Covid started…

…and so my ramblings continue.

Gratitude and Attitude

Piised off and ready to change some things.

Today I am juggling both anger and sadness and trying to find some gratitude to balance the mix. I’m sure most people out there are as exhausted by our current pandemics as I am. Pandemics, you say? Plural? Yes, plural. We are in the midst of a viral pandemic and a racial pandemic. Neither has an easy cure and both have the hope of millions for those cures. One we have lived with for many years, decades, without acknowledging that it was a crisis in waiting. The other came upon us slowly but because those in charge in both China (hiding it) and America (ignoring the signs and in denial) did nothing about it for so long, it became so much worse than it had to be. So much more deadly than it should have been. And it’s still growing despite what some people are saying to the public. And now more and more young people under 30 are getting sick. Why? Because they think they’re immune.

And we all suffer for it. For their ineptness. For their arrogance. For their selfishness. For their hatred. We suffer both of these pandemics now at the same time. And I find that my attitude towards it all fluctuates between apathy, depression, hopelessness, despair, and anger. Anger at not doing more about the first problem and anger at those who did nothing for so long about the second. I can’t be angry at others for doing nothing about racism since I also did nothing. I didn’t ‘see’ it. Because I have friends of all colors and backgrounds, I was blind to the plight of the black male in this country. Now, after reading these stories, I am stunned that we have allowed this to happen. And continue to happen even now. Even now when the streets are overflowing with protestors, police and politicians still find ways to oppress and hate and justify their actions. And it slides my attitude over closer to the anger side of things. I’m all about protecting the underdog. Standing up for what’s right. Standing against injustice. I want change and I want it now. But that’s just me. I’m impatient about these kinds of things.

So I’m looking for some good out there. I read in an article from CNN that some scientists think the Polio vaccine might be promising against Covid-19 because they share the same viral background. This is a positive thing to dwell on. And I see people rallying together, praying together, holding on together, no matter their skin color. And I am encouraged. Encouraged that the future may well be a little bit brighter than I thought it might. There are several young people under 30 who I love and care deeply about. Many more who are the very young children of people I care about. And all those I have no connection to at all. I pray that the future is better for them to live in. I pray that they forgive us for the mess we have allowed to fester. I pray that we make enough changes in the world to start to reverse the damage we’ve caused. The damage we’ve allowed to happen.

I find myself having to adjust my attitude towards those in power, those who don’t do things that way I think they should be done. Those who oppose those things I hold dear. Rather than lower myself into feelings of anger and hate, I pray for these individuals to receive enlightenment while there is still time to make changes for the better. That’s hard. I ask that they be smarter and care more about us than themselves. More about the future of this world than about their own pocketbook. I pray that some of them look in the mirror and realize that they don’t like what they see. And change.

So I strive for gratitude instead of my usual attitude towards those currently in power. I strive for hope instead of anger. And I pray that God has mercy on us.